Are You Happy Now?

Do you ever feel like whatever decision you make, everything just tends to suck anyway?

Yeah, me too.

I can't seem to escape the feeling that what I want doesn't matter. What I need is irrelevant. Who I want to be doesn't mean shit.

No matter what I do, I keep hitting the same, old walls. From my own personal issues, to other people's issues, to what seems to be God's issues with me.

I don't know. I keep trying to change my bad habits. But I don't know if I can. I'm starting to doubt it.

I want to be outgoing. I want to be that person that makes people happy right when they see me. I want to make them laugh. I want to not be a complete retard. I want to be able to pass my classes, which isn't going as well as I'd like, although I'm not outright failing. I want to be somebody. I just want to matter.

Not that I think I don't matter. I do, I guess. I just wish I could make some profoundly awesome difference in someone's life.

Anyway, my life is so full of wants at the moment. And I just kind of wish that I would be content to be.