Sometimes I feel like I'm just zombie-walking through my life. People talk. I pretend to listen, but I can't. I am somewhere else. Nowhere special, just anywhere but where I'm supposed to be.
Sometimes I feel bad about that. It's not that I don't care about the people talking or I don't care about what they have to say. It's that I can't stay focused. I start to listen but I end up nodding and intermittently studying their face so I know when to smile or shake my head ruefully.
Sometimes I feel like all this pretend smiling and listening separates me from everybody else. Like there is a gigantic wall between me and everyone else. Except they can see me; I just can't see them. Like those one-way mirrors in interrogation rooms.
Sometimes I don't even feel alive anymore
Sometimes I just feel like a freak.
Monday, March 21, 2011
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